His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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