Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
