Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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