she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
