can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize