and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
