the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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