I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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