i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
