So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
