I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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