dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
