i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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