they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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