sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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