So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
