I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
