Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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