Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
