do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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