Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
