people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize