I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
