we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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