As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
