Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize