im six kinds of drunk right now
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
