please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
