She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize