What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
