do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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