I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
