Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
