dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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