Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
