I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
