TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
