Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
