he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
