hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
