consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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