Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
