Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
