a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize