You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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