you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
