you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
