i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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