do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
