Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
