i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
