What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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