You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
