Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
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Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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