the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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