They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
