It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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