found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
