shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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