We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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