ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
