I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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