O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
