I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
