Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
