I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
