The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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