can u get pink eye on your cock?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
