so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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