people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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