He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
