Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
