Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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