matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
