i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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