Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
