My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
