This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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